Random Sunday Thoughts

A lot is happening over at my other blog.

Which means it's nothin' but dead silence in here.

[crickets]

I made an awesome "Master Project List" with 4 big headers that are my main goals on it, and underneath, I put all of the little tasks I need to do towards those goals.  I've been SUPER busy (in a good way that makes my heart sing) this week... and not one thing on that list has been erased.  I guess I wrote all the wrong things on my to-do list.

Making that Master Project List on a dry erase board has been on my to do list for months now.  So at least I did it.  I just can't cross it off anything now, because it IS the to do list.  And I haven't done anything on it.

So... that's a bit of an Ouroboros.

Today my yoga teacher said something I really liked... and I tried repeating it over and over in my head so I would remember it... but now it's 8 hours later, and my brain is mush anyway... but it was something along these lines:

"Yoga is a slow attack on the ego.  It isn't all wheat grass and Lulu Lemon."

What she meant by that, she explained, is that the postures are hard, and if you tell yourself you can't do them, you'll be right.  Your ego will win out.  Whether you tell yourself you can or can't, you're right.

I liked that.

And it's totally one of the main reasons I love Bikram so much.  It's such a mind game.  And it's applicable to all aspects of life.  For example, yesterday I got incredibly tired at work after working an 11 hour shift the night before (until 4 in the morning), and then returning to work a few hours later to work another 8 hour shift after 4 hours of sleep.  At first, it was easy peasy.  But once my Venti iced coffee wore off... I crashed. The more I thought about how tired I was, the more tired I felt.  So instead, I turned on my Bikram brain and said,  "I'm not tired!  I have super amounts of energy!"  And it kinda worked.

I liked that.

Random Sunday thoughts.

My Head is SPINNING

I've been so incredibly busy these past couple of weeks... and for the first time in a REALLY long time... I feel like myself again.

I've always been the girl that wasn't happy unless I had a million and one plates in the air... juggling them all with grace and ease... and if one went crashing down, I picked it up and put it back together again.

I've been watching Battlestar Galactic upon the recommendation of my friend Megan over at meganligeti.com: A Pretty Girl in a Nerdy World (check it out--it's a great insight into the "nerd" culture.)  I find there's lots of wisdom in the nerd world that I love so much.  I'm constantly quoting Lord of the Rings and the like... and Commander Adama of the Battlestar Galactic said something early on in the series that blew my mind:

"It's not enough just to live.  You have to have something to live FOR."
(He's so wise)

It's true.  I spent the past two years trying to "relax" and "let go" and "live like other people do" and not "stress out so much" and "just have a good time."  Well, guess what?  THAT DOESN'T WORK FOR ME!

I'm Type A.
I like to be in control.
I like to be busy.
I like to make things happen.
I can't "just have fun."  I have to have a passion project, a strong dream, something to work towards and for.

I spent so much time trying to find myself that I completely and totally lost myself.  But the good news is, I'm pretty sure that what once was lost has now been found.

My other blog, Delicate Princess Tummy, has become my passion project.  I work on it ALL the time.  I truly feel that this is what I'm supposed to be working on right now.  I don't know where it's going to lead me, but I know I love working on it, and feel like I'm on the right path again.  I get to combine my love of food, time in front of the camera, and engaging with other foodies.

So now that I have the website all redesigned, my next steps are to figure out Twitter and start networking with other food bloggers... and get people who aren't my friends onto the Delicate Princess Tummy train.

And that's terrifying.

Chug Chug Chuggin' Along

Mondays are probably my favorite day of the week.  I wake up at 6am and go to yoga, get home by about 8:20, take a shower, eat breakfast, and get to work on my dreams all day long.  It's the one day I hardly ever work at my bar, and one of my most productive days of the week.

Of course, next Monday I start teaching improv out in Long Island, but that's only for 4 Mondays, and I know I will thoroughly enjoy that as well.

However, this morning I was awoken at 5:30 am by my own brain.  I went to sleep at midnight, so it's not like my body was waking itself naturally because it was well rested.  A little internal alarm went off, and I was instantly bombarded with so many thoughts, key among them being: "You don't have time to sleep!  Get up get up get up and do things!!!"  This has been happening a lot recently, where I am instantly awoken from a deep sleep by my brain, and typically it's followed by a rather intense panic attack.  Then the panic attack increases because I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR A PANIC ATTACK I NEED TO SLEEP BECAUSE I AM SO TIRED.

It's exhausting.  But also, I'm glad to be panicking.  I'm glad to be feeling motivated and like I'm working towards things.  I feel like the little engine that could.  Eventually I gotta get to something.  So when I saw this  picture on facebook this morning, it made me smile.  I wanna be that guy on the top... not the giver upper on the bottom!

Forgotten Drawer

The human brain is an amazing thing.  I can't even begin to understand how it works... but I sure thank baby Jesus that it DOES work.

The other day I was getting ready for yoga, which typically consists of putting on one of my yoga specific sports bras and tiny shorts (that I would NEVER wear outside of the studio) with some terrible cover up.  My usual cover ups include every article of clothing I have ever cut, bleached, or stained in some accidental/embarrassing way.  However, I was working my first shift at the studio and decided that I wanted to wear a cover up that was a little bit nicer (ie doesn't look like I survived a dragon attack wearing it).  I knew that somewhere I had some shorts and tank tops from my running days, but after looking EVERYWHERE to no avail, I begrudgingly resorted to a onesie that I tend to wear as REAL clothes, not yoga cover up clothes.

A couple days later, as I was digging through my closet looking for something or other (I have no idea how I lose so many things in this tiny studio apartment), I happened to notice my little canvas bureau doohickey (technical term) that has 3 separate drawers.  THREE drawers.  Not TWO.  For some reason... I had completely forgotten the middle drawer existed.  The top drawer contains my socks, underwear, and sparkly fairy wand (where do you keep yours?) while the bottom drawer holds my pajamas that I never wear but keep in case of emergency.  However... I had no idea what was within the mystery middle drawer.  I also had no idea when it was that I last opened said drawer, and furthermore, I had no idea when or why it slipped out of my realm of awareness.  I opened the drawer with great anticipation, and lo and behold, it was stuffed to the brim with t-shirts, shorts, tank tops, and sports bras!!!


"Score!" I said to myself.  I'm thrilled to have some less homeless looking clothes to wear to yoga... and, yes, I've already cut down 2 of the shirts I found in the drawer (maybe I need to re-access my scissor usage) to make them more to my liking... and yes, I'm a bit perplexed.

How has my mind LITERALLY ignored this drawer?  My brain has straight out ignored its existence.  If my brain can so easily ignore a drawer that it sees (or, well... my eyes see and then transmit that image info to my brain and therefore to my consciousness) EVERY day, what else is it so easily ignoring?  What else in my life do I see every day, but fail to recognize?

22 days ago I began a journey to really and truly re-haul my life.  This has included (but is not limited to) cutting alcohol out of my life, limiting my social encounters during the week, and returning to my journaling ways (3 small examples.)  Lots of good things have come out of this thus far.  Is this drawer just one more example?  Or... is it... just a drawer? Perhaps it's merely something I'm admitting to the interwebs that adds more fuel to what my mother has said since the day I started losing things: "You're just looking with your nose."

I don't know... I don't think so.  I like to think I'm unlocking little parts of my brain that I personally locked myself, for some unbeknownst reason.   It is, however, kinda weirding me out... What if there's a LITERAL elephant in the room, and I'm just not seeing it?

Pounding the Pavement vs. Couch Potato

My mom arrived to a beautiful Spring New York day last Wednesday, and boy, did we have grand plans for her stay!  We were going to see a show, have a Brooklyn day (full of wonderful Brooklyn things), cook a big meal for my food blog together, and other various adventures.  But... when it came down to it... we just needed ourselves a relaxing little vacation... and so that's what we did.

This blog would be much more interesting if I had taken more pictures... but, alas... hindsight.

Wednesday she pulled up in her little yellow cab and met a friend of mine and I at Starbucks, and then we hopped over to a little restaurant called Community that we love for some delicious eats.  It's across the street from this famous restaurant that you may recognize from a little show called Seinfeld:

I told her that was her tourist moment of the day.  

We headed back up towards my apartment, grabbed some groceries from the fruit man, and had a lazy night in of movie watching.  It was divine.  Especially the gluten free brownies we made and then enjoyed for the duration of her stay.  Nom Nom.

Thursday morning dawned, and we did some boring errand running... just things I needed to get done.  This also included shoe shopping... which SHOULD be a delightful experience... but neither I nor my mom much enjoy shopping... so it was an in and out kind of affair.  That evening we had DELICIOUS Ethiopian food at a restaurant called Awash on the Upper West Side.  Ohmygosh.  Ethiopian is so good.  It's very similar to Indian food in the same way that Brazilian and Mexican are very similar. I find Ethiopian to be more complex in flavor (like I find Brazilian to be more complex than Mexican).  Not to mention the bread that is served with the Ethiopian fare is GLUTEN FREE.  I could eat it. I was in heaven.  I would put a picture here... but I didn't take one.  Mostly because the second the food was placed before us, we devoured it like wild beasts.   We then headed down to Greenwich Village to see my friend perform in an evening of scenes from Shakespeare's histories.  She was brilliant, as per usual.

Friday was the ultimate in lazy days.  We went out to the Cloisters which is a beautiful museum branch of the Met.  Located up at the very top of Manhattan in an area known as Inwood, the Cloisters are quiet, secluded, and incredibly peaceful.

The museum was built to look like a Medieval Cloister to house a large collection of religious artifacts dating from the Medieval times--you know, all that time in history when dragons and Jesus and unicorns were running rampant in France and England and other parts of Europe.  It's a most amazing building--many of the structural elements are artifacts, themselves.  Doors, windows, fireplaces, and stones from Medieval European ruins were transported here and incorporated into the design.  And the collection of artifacts is astounding.  Unfortunately, I have the attention span of a cocker spaniel when in a museum, and eventually museum fatigue set it, and at that point I was happy to just wander the halls and drool over the decadence of it all.  And the best part was the Cloistered gardens and cafe.  We sat and had coffee and wonderful conversation in the garden cafe for a good hour, and then headed back down to my apartment.

We ordered Thai take out and I introduced my momma to Papaya salad and Massaman Curry--Two of my favorite things, and we then proceeded to watch Peggy Sue Got Married, Mystic Pizza, and Muriel's Wedding--none of which had I ever seen before.  So I feel more like a functioning member of society for having seen them.

Saturday I had my improv class in the early afternoon, and afterwards we explored Central Park a bit and sat under cover by what used to be Tavern on the Green and people watched as a Spring shower tickled the pavement around us.  We had plans to meet up with a college professor of mine who then transitioned to my voice teacher for the first year I was here in New York.  It was a new food adventure for my mom as it was one of those Japanese restaurants where everything is $3, and you just pick and choose different foods.  It makes me think of those Greek diners where the menus are just pages and pages long, but it's all Japanese food!  It was yummy, and good to catch up with my old teacher. 

Sunday morning was a most exciting day--it was my grad show from the second level of improv training at the Upright Citizens Brigade.  We met up with a few friends before hand for brunch at one of our favorite places--Cafe Orlin.  It is a MUST on each of my momma's visits to New York.  When I first lived in New York back in my interior design days, I lived right down the street from it and we would go for their pumpkin pancakes (which are to DIE for).  Now, it's a bit more of a trek down from Harlem... and I can't eat the pumpkin pancakes anymore.... but it's not much of a sacrifice as their Huevos Rancheros are delectable, and paired with their granola and fruit... my momma and I split a FEAST.  My grad show went well--no one died, which is a definite perk, and I feel confident that I've graduated to the next level.  I treated my mom to Stogo (which was featured in my first episode of my new travel show over at my food blog), and then we winded down toward home.  Of course, we stopped on the way home to pick up Bridesmaids, because my mom didn't know who Kristen Wiig was.  I found this to be unacceptable.

Which brings us to Monday.  How could it already be Monday?? The trip has gone so quickly!!  Monday we headed out for the Circle Line Boat Tour--something people have been telling me about since I moved to the city, but I had yet to do.  It's $38 for a 3 hour boat cruise around the entire island of Manhattan and well worth every penny.  Bring your own drinks and snacks, because the on-board cafe is definitely overpriced.  The day started out BEAUTIFULLY.  Bright sun and blue skies--not a cloud on the horizon.  You can see it here in this picture of the Intrepid with the space shuttle Enterprise on board:

Perfection!  

Of course... take a look at this next picture, and note the sky's change in mood:

Construction at Ground Zero with the new Freedom Tower
on the left. 1,776 feet tall!  Tallest building in the country.

Doesn't even look like the same day, does it?  Crazy! Crazy I tell you!  This was a mere 30 minutes later.  Oh well.  It was still a delightful tour.  Our guide was this adorable old man with a wealth of knowledge and a sharp wit matched with a dose of self deprecation.  My favorite kind of humor.  The boat takes you the closest I've ever been to the Statue of Liberty, which was awesome.  Not gonna lie.  I got a little misty eyed lookin' at her.  She's real purdy.

We also got great views of the entire East side--which is truly beautiful when seen from the East River.  The entire island looks incredibly beautiful from a boat.  It's astounding.

The Chrysler Building is still my favorite.

Unfortunately the tide was higher than normal, and so the boat couldn't make the entire circumference of the island.  Apparently, up by East Harlem and around the northern tip of the island, the bridges are much smaller and lower, and when tides are normal the large Circle Line boats have no trouble navigating them... but when tides are high... well... it's a no go.  So we did a U shaped tour of Manhattan--but I'll take it!  It got super windy and cooled off a good 10 degrees, so we were shivery by the time the boat docked.  We then headed to Little Italy to visit Rubirosa, another one of my mom's favorite food stops when she comes to visit.  I have a friend who works there, and so we always get special, wonderful service--this time we got treated to a flourless chocolate cake for dessert... which was just so melt in your mouth amazing that we were fighting over that last bite!  Our meal was amazing as well--brussel sprouts to start followed by an arugula gluten free pizza and gluten free spaghetti and marinara... Oh my!  I will be blogging about it on my food blog, for SURE.

Next thing I knew, it was Tuesday and time to send my mom back below the Mason Dixon Line.  I sure am a lucky girl to have such a wonderful mom who has grown into a wonderful friend, as well.  I feel like we had the perfect combination of pounding that New York City pavement and resting our haunches on my semi-comfortable Ikea couch.  One day I'll have a lush, plush, luxurious living room... but until then, mine does the trick.  And, finally, she left me with some adorable yellow flowers to brighten my apartment:

Onward and forward!  

Turtle Shell

Hey... remember that time I disappeared off the face of the BlogEarth for approximately two weeks?  Yeah... sorry about that.

I cannot tell a lie.  I hit a rough patch.  I had to get out my zamboni and smooth things over a bit.  The first thing that happens when I hit a rough patch is I avoid this blog like the dickens.  Because... well.  I don't know why.  I just like to pretend everything is dandy!  Which, overall... it is.  Like I've said before, I'm a lucky girl.  I'm not starving, I have a roof over my head, my arms AND my legs, and a pretty super group of humans that I get to call my family and friends.  So when I get a case of the mean reds, I tuck away like a turtle in my shell.

A new friend of mine said something really cool to me this past weekend.  When certain things happen in your life, good or bad, we often say it's a coincidence.  Or maybe we say "boy, how strange that happened!"  But she said:

"Is it odd?  Or is it God?"

And I don't care who YOUR God is.  Well, not that I don't CARE.  I just mean that it isn't important to me what your higher power is.  I guess I hope that you have one, because it helps me, but if you don't, feel free to skip ahead or read with bemusement.  But... my mom planned a trip to New York about a month ago.  Not for any particular reason.  Just to come visit.  And boy.  It was a total "is it odd or is it God" example.

I needed my momma.  And there she was with a trip she planned long before either of us knew I needed her.

We had a wonderful time.  She said her friends always ask her when she gets home what kind of exciting things she did while she was in New York... but she's come to visit me so often that New York takes a back seat.  We do a few touristy things, but mostly we just enjoy each others company.

This trip, we went to see my friend's scenes from Shakespeare's history play, went to the Cloisters, did the Circle Line boat tour, she got to see my improv grad show, and ate a WHOLE LOT OF DELICIOUS FOODS. (Tomorrow I'll write a  more detailed account of our adventures as I know you're dying to know everything!)

The worst thing is packing my momma away in that yellow cab and walking back into my empty apartment once her trip reaches its end.  I mean, I do love living alone.  It's my apartment.  And I love it.  But when my momma's been here for the past 7 days, and every time I walk in the lights are on and Pandora's playing Carole King and she's sittin' on the couch reading a book... it's real hard to walk in and be alone again.

But I have a lot of exciting things to work on.  And I'm feeling much better now.  The mean reds have dissipated significantly, and there are grand things on the horizon.  But I'll save those for another blog.

My one regret is that I didn't take more pictures...

Momma and I at the Cloisters on a beautiful day!

30 Before 30

If there's one thing I've learned, it's that you do NOT put any grand expectations on any age.  Age is just a number.  I put a whole lot of pressure on the age 26.  That was my age.  I knew, at the age of 10, that by 26 I would SURELY have landed a husband, my dream job, and the perfect house with a perfect picket fence.  26 came and went with no husband, no dream job, and no perfect house.  Of course, I had little to no desire for a husband or a perfect house with a perfect picket fence.  And the dream job thing... well... I'm working on it.

SO--when I saw this post by a friend on Facebook entitled:  Turning 30:  30 Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know, I got real mad.  My inner monologue:

"Oh really?  EVERY woman should have these things and know these things??? What a broad generalization!  As if there isn't already ENOUGH pressure on me from society to stop being so bad at this "life" thing!  You can take your list and SHOVE IT."


And then I clicked on the link.  Of COURSE I clicked on the link.  I need SOMEONE to tell me what I'm supposed to be doing, so why not this list that the Huffington Post has deemed "WHAT EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW."

And then the list blew me away.  The list made me feel hopeful.  The list made me excited for 30.

Not that I'm putting pressure on 30.  (Ok... I'm probably putting pressure on 30.) But that I feel like I'm on track to be ok with myself when I do hit 30.  30 is a mere 2 years and 7 months away.  Buh.  I'm just going to disregard my disbelief in that and accept it, and move on to my point. (I'll get there eventually, I swear.)

I don't know if this is just today--if it's just because I'm full of hope because I mailed out my headshot, resume, and postcards for my upcoming showcase to a crap ton of agents, so the hope is lingering instead of being dashed into the ground by crushing silence on their part (which is far worse than straight out rejection)--but I hope not.  I regained a shred of hope the other day when I met with my accountability partner.  We hadn't met since March, and both of us were feeling really down in the dumps.  But after some espresso and goal setting for the week, we both left with a sunnier disposition.  I was able to face my survival job with a smile again, because I felt like I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.   I hit some twists and turns in the tunnel this past month that blocked my view, but I feel like... maybe it's there again?

And then... I have my yoga dreams to keep me going, as well.  If I do decide I can't pursue this acting thing anymore (mamma's not givin' up yet!), I know that I can open a yoga studio.  I feel less lost.

So the list.  Things that stood out on the list for me:

6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.

7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age -- and some money set aside to help fund it.

I used to be such a goody two shoes. And that was good. But I'm glad I spent some time being a little more of a rebel... living life for the fun of it. Maybe it delayed by career a bit... but maybe not. And I think I'm a more well rounded person because of it. And I have memories to relish when I'm an old lady in her rocking chair. (Or maybe I'll be a rebel without a cause when I'm an old lady... who knows?!)  And now that I've started an IRA and am saving for when I am that crazy old lady... it makes me feel more secure in my life now.

14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine, and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30.

I have my yoga. I have my nutrition/eating plan. I use lotions and shiz. I fully expect my 30's to be a beautiful time.

15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship, and all those other facets of life that do get better.

This phrasing made me feel so good: "A solid start..." It's ok that I'm still a little lost at sea. I truly feel like I'm on the brink of a break through. By the time I'm 30--I WILL be in charge.

7. How to live alone, even if you don’t like to.

Ok. I'm well practiced at this one. I've lived alone 3 out of the 7 years of my 20's thus far.  I remember my first apartment I got with my best friend.  We decided to paint the living room pink--it actually was inspired by the Victoria's Secret shopping bag (or what it used to look like):  pink on pink.  Light pink with darker pink stripes.  Our logic was this was the only living room we were going to have as single ladies.  HA.  5 living rooms later... I'm still glad we had those pink stripes.


13. Who you can trust, who you can’t, and why you shouldn’t take it personally.


This is a lesson I've struggled with my whole life. Gotta learn not to take it personally.

15. Why they say life begins at 30 

I can't wait.

And the most important thing I need to take care of before February 10, 2015:

4. A purse, a suitcase, and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying.

Cause right now... those things are just in a sad state.