"That's what loneliness is about. If we felt connected to people, even other lonely people, we wouldn't feel alone anymore." ~Natalie Goldberg (if you haven't noticed, I'm obsessed with her)
New York City. Population: 8,391,881 (July 2009 U.S. Census Bureau) That was 3 years ago, so I think it's safe to assume that number has increased.
Number of people you pass on the street/interact with/share air space with: Hundreds.
It's crazy how much human interaction you have in an average day in New York City. It's overwhelming. And yet... it's so lonely. I'm not saying I'm sad and mopey and lonely... but today on the train I was thinking how closed off I am to the humans around me. And not just me. Almost all New Yorkers tend to pretend they're in a bubble. As if acknowledging another human's presence may make you seem weak; vulnerable to attack. And, you know what? For good reason! There are predators out there--verbal predators who disrespect and degrade you with a look or a rude comment. Just the other night when I was walking home from work, this is the lovely conversation I had with a man sitting on his stoop (I don't usually speak up, but some strange force overcame me that evening):
Man: Mmmmm... baby. So sexy. Have a good night baby.
Me: ignore ignore ignore
Man: See. That's why I hate white girls. They're so snobby. Hey, I'm talking to you.
Me: Excuse me, but I'm NOT snobby. You are being rude and disrespectful. (AND RACIST, I might add)
Man: (as he sees me turning into my apartment building) You'd better be nice to your neighbors.
I'm sorry, sir, that I offended you with my refusal to acknowledge your blatant disrespect. What did he expect me to say? "Why thank you sir, for oogling me, calling me baby, and degrading me?" I would genuinely like nothing more than to be able to exchange pleasantries with my neighbors and have a relationship with the people I live around. Now, this is a very specific case, and there are, in fact, lovely people I encounter in my neighborhood, but I bring this example up to make a very specific point: I have become a closed off New Yorker. I typically ignore most people around me, and most people around me typically ignore me. It's self protection.
But what a lonely way to live! Back to what I was pondering on the train earlier: Life is nothing without the people we share it with. You can do a million and one amazing things in a day, but unless you have someone to share it with... it's almost like it didn't even happen. People need people. And I don't mean a boy friend or a girl friend or a wife or a husband... though that's nice as well--I just mean plain old relationships with other people. So... I'm going to make an effort to open my heart to the world. Because otherwise, this city can be a very lonely place. Especially when you live alone... sometimes I feel like I have days where it's possible that the apocalypse has happened, and I'm the only person left on Earth. So... you know... Maybe once a day make an effort to smile at a stranger. Or give someone a compliment. Or heck, even say "bless you" when someone sneezes. The world doesn't HAVE to be a lonely place.
1 comment:
Wow, you are a New Yorker! I always feel weird when I visit because I'm so used to smiling at everyone I see, but if you do that in New York, people look at you like you're crazy! I totally understand the self preservation aspect of it because even though New Orleans is a friendly city, I have had to learn what types of people to completely ignore, ie anyone asking for money or cigarettes or who yell DAMN, GIRL. yep, gotta avoid those. And you are so right, just acknowledging strangers gives you and them a sense of connection and equality. It is a very nice feeling!
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