I broke my heart yesterday.
That's right, folks. I single handedly broke my very own heart. How does one do this? Answer: In my case it took reading two articles from the New York Times. I'm temping this week for some extra cash with my favorite Hedge Fund/Finance Company/I'mNotSureWhatTheyDoButIKnowTheyHandleLOTSOfMoney, and this means hours sitting in front of a computer with little to do but answer phones every once in a while. Which means spare time to get the things I need to do done. Also, it used to mean hours of sitting on Facebook... but since the last time I worked here, they have blocked Facebook from the system. Which has been good as it has made me much more productive.
However, I am very good at finding things to procrastinate. Yesterday I discovered a series of articles from 2009 that the New York Times ran on modern love. How my generation defines love. And... it was heart breaking.
I live under a rock, I think. I truly believe that my Prince Charming is out there. He's just... lost. I recently realized that I have been living my entire life waiting for Him. I really thought that He would be here by now... I would truly think things like this: "I'm not too worried that I don't have health insurance, because surely soon I'll be married and then I can join His plan." Or: "It's ok that I don't have a lot of savings--He does and He will be able to help me pay off my student loans." SNAP OUT OF IT BRITT. I realized that I was living my life waiting for HIM. I'm almost 27 years old. I can't live like that.
And so yesterday, I broke my heart. And a little piece of me gave up. A little piece of me grew up a little bit more. A little piece of me died.
And, if you are interested, here are the links to the two articles that did it:
Heart Breaker #2
Basically, one is written from the p.o.v. of a young woman who is having the same luck in the dating world as I am, and the other is written from the p.o.v. of a 21 year old guy. And... his is the one that really broke my heart. Because he basically says that boys don't want to settle down. There are too many options. They're always looking for the next best thing.
Ouch.
I don't really talk about dating with anyone except my close friends. To be quite honest, I never even REALLY tried it until this year. This year has been a series of unfortunate events in dating: there was the alcoholic personal trainer who told me I was a skinny fat girl, going to lose my looks in 5 years, and that I was decent looking; the "really sweet finance kid" who turned out to be a real idiot; the actor who stopped dating me when I became a vegetarian; and a series of other guys (an ex-government employee who lived in Japan for 2 years and now works in a sushi restaurant, an actor/magician, an ex-model/actor, another actor, and... a soap actor--is anyone else noticing a pattern here?) who I suppose, according to the young woman's article, I dated... but... never more than 2 dates... and now if I see them... it's like we never dated at all... which I guess is... fine...
My older sister got married when she was 19. I was 7. I thought "Ok, I guess you get married at that age." when I hit 19, I realized that I was NOT ready for marriage. There was no way. But maybe by my mid-20's.
26 has come and almost gone. And dating in this city is hard. And a lot of the time, I'm really lonely. And one by one my friends are getting married. And yet... somehow I've maintained hope that he's out there somewhere. Until yesterday. Those evil articles made me realize that I'd better get used to the idea that it might just be lil old me for a while. And so maybe I'd better go ahead and make a life for myself that I love... and maybe, if I'm lucky, one day when I'm happy just being me... He'll find me.
3 comments:
I wish I had some magical advice to give you, because yes, dating is the real live actual worst. And you're probably living in the city where it's the real live actual hardest to find a meaningful relationship. The thing is, don't listen to that 21-year-old boy (who listens to them anyway?). There are PLENTY of guys who want to settle down and spend their life with one girl.
That said, I do think it's good to NOT live your life waiting around for him, and making plans based on whether he'll be in the picture in X amount of time. The best way to find a guy you can be happy with is to be happy and self-sufficient without him. But that doesn't mean you give up! I don't think that there's one specific Prince Charming out there, but I do think that out of the many, many people who could potentially come into your life, someday you'll meet the guy who's right for you.
Can you give me the guys number who called you a "skinny, fat girl" and said you were "decent looking?" I would like to have a little talk with him.
Those articles were depressing. While I understand there are many people in our generation who think that way (noncommittal, "happy" to be "free" with their one night stands, and not believing in love,) there are also many who don't. I don't have advice on dating, but I know there are some men who want to be committed to loving just one woman...even amongst those our age.
I'm not sure there is a Prince Charming out there. That's probably just the movies. However, there is a real-life, wonderful man out there that you'll find at the right time. It may be when you least expect it. For now, I hope you work on being the best Brittany you can be.
I'll pray that God's timing would be perfect for you in all that you do and in your relationships.
I love you!
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