I broke my heart yesterday.
That's right, folks. I single handedly broke my very own heart. How does one do this? Answer: In my case it took reading two articles from the New York Times. I'm temping this week for some extra cash with my favorite Hedge Fund/Finance Company/I'mNotSureWhatTheyDoButIKnowTheyHandleLOTSOfMoney, and this means hours sitting in front of a computer with little to do but answer phones every once in a while. Which means spare time to get the things I need to do done. Also, it used to mean hours of sitting on Facebook... but since the last time I worked here, they have blocked Facebook from the system. Which has been good as it has made me much more productive.
However, I am very good at finding things to procrastinate. Yesterday I discovered a series of articles from 2009 that the New York Times ran on modern love. How my generation defines love. And... it was heart breaking.
I live under a rock, I think. I truly believe that my Prince Charming is out there. He's just... lost. I recently realized that I have been living my entire life waiting for Him. I really thought that He would be here by now... I would truly think things like this: "I'm not too worried that I don't have health insurance, because surely soon I'll be married and then I can join His plan." Or: "It's ok that I don't have a lot of savings--He does and He will be able to help me pay off my student loans." SNAP OUT OF IT BRITT. I realized that I was living my life waiting for HIM. I'm almost 27 years old. I can't live like that.
And so yesterday, I broke my heart. And a little piece of me gave up. A little piece of me grew up a little bit more. A little piece of me died.
And, if you are interested, here are the links to the two articles that did it:
Heart Breaker #2
Basically, one is written from the p.o.v. of a young woman who is having the same luck in the dating world as I am, and the other is written from the p.o.v. of a 21 year old guy. And... his is the one that really broke my heart. Because he basically says that boys don't want to settle down. There are too many options. They're always looking for the next best thing.
Ouch.
I don't really talk about dating with anyone except my close friends. To be quite honest, I never even REALLY tried it until this year. This year has been a series of unfortunate events in dating: there was the alcoholic personal trainer who told me I was a skinny fat girl, going to lose my looks in 5 years, and that I was decent looking; the "really sweet finance kid" who turned out to be a real idiot; the actor who stopped dating me when I became a vegetarian; and a series of other guys (an ex-government employee who lived in Japan for 2 years and now works in a sushi restaurant, an actor/magician, an ex-model/actor, another actor, and... a soap actor--is anyone else noticing a pattern here?) who I suppose, according to the young woman's article, I dated... but... never more than 2 dates... and now if I see them... it's like we never dated at all... which I guess is... fine...
My older sister got married when she was 19. I was 7. I thought "Ok, I guess you get married at that age." when I hit 19, I realized that I was NOT ready for marriage. There was no way. But maybe by my mid-20's.
26 has come and almost gone. And dating in this city is hard. And a lot of the time, I'm really lonely. And one by one my friends are getting married. And yet... somehow I've maintained hope that he's out there somewhere. Until yesterday. Those evil articles made me realize that I'd better get used to the idea that it might just be lil old me for a while. And so maybe I'd better go ahead and make a life for myself that I love... and maybe, if I'm lucky, one day when I'm happy just being me... He'll find me.
